Waiting for what you think you deserve in love and life is not an easy task.
I feel like I’ve been waiting for the right relationship forever. And honestly, I am annoyed and pissed. There is nothing sensual about being in a mood and there is just you in the bed and no prospects.
Yet, I really don’t want to settle. Scratch that, I refuse to fucking settle!
I tried settling for less and that didn’t work out so well in the past. What I’ve discovered is that when I settle for less than what I think I deserve, it normally is a sign that I don’t believe I have any value to offer. That holds true for men, friends and jobs.
So I keep affirming I deserve better and I wait, but I’m anxious. Did I make a mistake letting go of that guy I dated off and on for 11 years? Or was he one of the best life lessons/teachers to get me to where I am today? I like to think he was one of my favorite teachers, which normally makes me feel secure in waiting for what I think I deserve.
But then I have one of those lonely nights when the other side of my bed is hella cold and I quickly start reminiscing on the glorified past that’s in my head. That’s when I lose hope in waiting for what I think I deserve. Instead, I start to question if I’ll ever find a guy who respects me, is honest, funny, great in bed, driven and loves me like Kayne loves Kayne. Sigh…
I’m not in the mindset (yet) to actively chase men on dating sites or throw up thirst traps on social media. So I wait for what I think I deserve and continue to work on being the best possible me. That’s all I can do because I know I have evolved past settling in life and love.