There is a new movement trending on social media encouraging women to hold out for a wedding ring and rally behind the #nomoreboyfriend hashtag.
My feelings about the #nomoreboyfriend movement can be summed up in three little letters:
I thought maybe I was missing something so I searched for a better explanation on why women should hold out for the wife title and stop being a girlfriend. What I found were comments and videos like the ones below that would cause any dead feminists to roll uncomfortably in their graves.
“Hey Babe, is there anything left that you haven’t done with another man?” And their answer is going to be, “No.” You know why? Because they were so busy trying out for a wife with your behind who doesn’t know if you want to marry her, that they didn’t save anything. They didn’t put anything aside for their husband. So they are over here trying to get you to see they will ride for you and there’s nothing left. No, you can’t do that; that is unfair. That is wrong. You can’t sit here and make your decision based off the security she provides you while giving her no security at all. That’s not right guys, it’s not. I don’t care if it’s been done for years and years it’s wrong, it’s wrong.
Have we seriously gone back in time and said, let’s please erase the entire women’s liberation movement and center the life of all women around men? That’s what it feels like the #nomoreboyfriend movement wants us to do.
There a few things fundamentally messed up about the #nomoreboyfriend movement.
Myth #1 – Men are practicing on women as boyfriends
This concept is oozing of a male patriarchal system that wants us to believe women are second-class citizens in relationships.
Why is it that a woman needs to be concerned if a guy is practicing his relationships skills on his partner? There are at least two people in every relationship. Aren’t we all trying each other on to see if it is a fit?
Myth #2 – Women should hold out for love
The key to any relationship is vulnerability. If you are too busy holding back who you are as a person in hopes for a ring and kids, you are essentially hiding your true self from your potential mate. And frankly, you are doing a huge disservice to everyone involved. Who wants to wake up to discover they fell in love with a lie?
The advantage of being a girlfriend or dating is seeing what works for you. Thanks to my failed relationships, I’ve grown dramatically. I’m grateful for each lesson my ex-boyfriends taught me, and I don’t regret one of them (well, maybe just one).
Being in a relationship allows you to know what values you want in a life partner, what you may need to work on yourself and what characteristics you want to avoid like the plague. However, if you are constantly in holding out mode, you are too busy standing on a pointless ground and not opening yourself up to the possibility of love or more.
Myth #3 – Men control what happens in a relationship.
This #nomoreboyfriend propaganda is telling women that men have all the control in a relationship, and the only way a woman can take back control is by holding out for the title of wife.
This concept totally disregards women who aren’t ready or don’t want to be a wife for many different reasons. Are we now considered weak because we have boyfriends and are not holding out for a ring? Did some of us miss the memo that securing a husband should be our ultimate mission in life?
I personally am not in bed dreaming of the day when the birds will all sing while my man drops to one knee to offer me the most valued possession a woman can get, a wedding ring.
Does that mean I don’t want to be married? No, I do want to be in a committed partnership one day. However, I realize I have just as much control in what happens in my relationships as my partner.
Relationships are not these one-way streets that this movement wants us to fear and believe. There are ups and downs in dating and no right way to do it.
What both men and women need to ask themselves before getting caught up in some new dating trend is, “Have I done the work to be ready to be a girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband?” If not, ask yourself why not and what’s holding you back from working on your personal growth?
In the upcoming days, Rogue Style Maven will be launching a new program to encourage and support women pushing past their comfort zone to be ready for the partnerships they desire.
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