Why Do You Pity Me For Being Single?

A Single Woman's Fight Against Single Friend Pity Syndrome

Once you hit your 30’s it seems like one by one your friends start coupling up, getting married and then eventually having kids or a dog. I am no exception to this phenomenon.

Of course, we are thrilled that our friends found love. We want them to be happy.  However, why does them finding love usually turn into single friend pity syndrome (SFPS)?

single friend pity

(This disease typically only infects those in committed relationships.)

I seriously don’t get though. Does being in a committed relationship erase the memory that not so long ago they too were swiping through dating apps praying to find a soul mate?

What annoys most single women about single friend pity syndrome is the not so passive comments about how hard it must be to date. I am the last single friend in one of my groups of friends and I deal with it all the time. If I’m not getting the judging comments about what’s wrong with my love life, I am being excluded from activities due to my lack of a plus one.

If you are single like me, you are probably ready to go postal on the next friend who dares to feel sorry for you because you are single.

Why is it so hard for our married friends to consider the possibility that many single women choose to be single?

Anyone can settle for the first committed relationship that comes her way. However, it takes a special kind of woman that knows her worth to say, “I’m single for a reason and I’m ok with it.”

Personally, I can name a few reasons why I’m single and not sad about it:

  1. Refusal to settle for less than I deserve
  2. My ex is an ex for a very good reason
  3. I know I will find the love I desire one day
  4. There is nothing wrong with being single
  5. Being in a relationship does not complete me as a person

If you are reading this and thinking you suffer from single friend pity syndrome, I have a message for you:

“On behalf of all the single women in the world, please stop feeling sorry for us!”

Not every single woman is one step away from a Bridget-Jones-crying-by-myself moment. We are fine with being single so there is no need to feel sad. In fact, we are doing better than fine, we are happy being single.

Maybe it’s time those in committed relationship accepted our singled happiness and focused on their own relationships.


An eclectic, world traveling sista from San Francisco expressing 'Rogue-Thoughts' on food, travel, music, fashion and living an authentic life unapologetically.

1 Comment

  • Reply November 16, 2016


    Such a great article! Nothing wrong with being single! I appreciate my singleness lol #blmgirls

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