Did Sex Toys Ruin My Relationship?

sex toys ruined my relationship

I’m going to keep it real. I love sex toys.

Probably not the declaration my mother wanted to read online, but it’s true. I’ve been using sex toys by myself and with partners for years and it has only enhanced my sexual pleasure.

So when a guy I’ve been dating told me, “You need to stop using your sex toys if we are going to be together” I thought he was joking. Sadly, the joke was on me because he was 100% serious about me never using them as long as we were together.

I liked this guy and hoped this was a miscommunication, so I asked, “Why do you think I no longer need my sex toys?” That’s when he explained that if a man was really doing his “job” right in the bedroom a woman should never need sex toys. This is the point when I knew our relationship was doomed to end very soon.

I couldn’t wrap my mind around why anyone would tell a woman “don’t use sex toys.” Was there a recent study indicating that the usage of sex toys caused cancer or some other disease that I missed? Did he think only certain type of people use them? Or was this guy threatened by an inanimate object that I was willing to let him control?

Myth: Women use sex toys as a substitution for a man

sex toysThe myth that women use sex toys as a substitution for a man is CRAZY! Sure, when we are lonely and in a mood sex toys do come in handy. However, as a single woman I can ensure you that they are not a substitute for a man.

What some men don’t understand is that there are women who truly love using sex toys. For many women, it has nothing to do with how amazing or horrible their man is in bed. It’s about them experiencing a different type of sexual pleasure.

For a minute I considered giving up my toys for this guy, because I liked him and saw potential in this relationship. But then I realized me giving them up would be like me telling a guy no more blow jobs if you are going to be with me. Any guy would look at me side-eye for making that comment, so why should it be ok to tell a woman she no longer can use her toys?

Fact: We had different sexual beliefs

Like religion, sometimes couples have different sexual beliefs and they just don’t mix. In this case, this guy was too conservative for my sexual taste and it ruined the relationship for me. At least now I know one of my deal breaker questions in a relationship needs to be, “How do you feel about sex toys?”

Do you think sex toys ruin or enhance a relationship? 

An eclectic, world traveling sista from San Francisco expressing 'Rogue-Thoughts' on food, travel, music, fashion and living an authentic life unapologetically.


  • Reply April 9, 2016


    If a man tells me “no sex toys” he’s not the man for me!

    • Reply April 11, 2016

      Danielle D. Washington

      I 100% agree!!!

  • Reply April 19, 2016


    Okay, so I’m a bit conservative but who knows…this has inspired me to perhaps bring a little spice to my marriage. Great post, #BLMgirl!

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