My Struggle With Money Has Got to Change

It’s Tax Season, which has many of us thinking about money this week.

Some are excited about an upcoming tax refund and are already mapping out how they plan to spend the extra money. Others on the other hand are stressing over how they are going to pay Uncle Sam on time.

I had a come to Jesus moment this weekend when my accountant, also known as my dad, called me about filing my taxes. Money and I still are not cool.

I wrote a love letter to money a few months ago in hopes it would change my relationship with money. Looking back, I can only shake my head on how naive I was to think a simple letter with no action would make a difference. Instead, that love letter ended up being another empty promise to money and myself.

If I had to think about it, my love/hate relationship with money did not miraculously appear like a pimple on my forehead. This deep-rooted struggle with money all started when I first discovered the value of a dollar.

We have money, and you don’t.

Growing up my dad constantly told me, “We have money, and you don’t.” This statement shaped my entire relationship with money. I grew up thinking everyone around me had cash and I was the only poor one trying to hustle for pennies.

I won’t lie, I hated that my dad was so cheap. It’s not like we were poor and couldn’t afford anything. He just refused to give me money for things I wanted. Thank goodness for my Godmother who was all about giving me the things I wanted while my parents focused on providing me with the things I needed. However, the constant message that I didn’t have money still affected me.

We often don’t realize it, but we internalize hidden messages like these from our childhood, which then trigger our limiting beliefs.

Struggle with money girl.jpgAs an adult, I never really pushed to make a lot of money because in my mind, I am poor and I will always be poor. When it came time to ask for a raise or price my event services, I also never demanded what I deserved because I did not think I was worthy. I felt lucky to be getting a decent paycheck and secretly pissed that everyone was making money and I was still poor.

My struggle with money is probably the most embarrassing or shameful part of my life. Heck, I’d rather talk about my love for sex toys than my struggle with money.

However, like taxes, I can’t wish my money problems away. What I can do is start putting some action behind my words and change my situation. Thus, I am making a goal to create a plan (and implement it) to have a better relationship with money by April 15, 2017.

I’ll be sharing the good, the bad and the really messed up parts of my journey right here. I’m predicting this may be a bumpy ride, but for me to be successful I need to tackle my issue with money.

If you know anyone who also has limiting beliefs around money, please share this article or comment.



An eclectic, world traveling sista from San Francisco expressing 'Rogue-Thoughts' on food, travel, music, fashion and living an authentic life unapologetically.

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